Category: photo talk

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To hell and back in a year

Where do I even begin? Like most, 2020 has been a doozy. 2019 really kicked it off for me though, so we’ll start there.

In the later half of 2019 we uprooted and moved to East Oakland so I could be closer to my new job in SF. The apartment was fantastic, but the neighborhood was rough as expected, our cars were broken into, people shot in the street in front of us, the whole stereotypical East Oakland experience. Then around thanksgiving my boyfriends mom died suddenly, and I was laid off by my job (with severance thankfully). New Years Eve 2019-2020 I found myself wishing that 2020 would bring in a new year for my personal growth.

Be careful what you wish for.

By the end of Feb I finally was hired on at a new exciting startup changing the lives of many. Finally, a company with a soul and a clean purpose. Two weeks into enjoying a reason to put on pants and makeup again the pandemic hit and the first major lockdown happened. I was working from home suddenly so I did what every normal millennial does and stocked up on office supplies and a printer for the first time in years.

2 more weeks into that and I get the devastating news that in order to preserve our startup runway funding, we’re all taking pay cuts instead of being laid off. My pay was reduced by 75% and I no longer could afford living in the bay area. So we started making plans to move back to Sacramento with my family until we could get financially stable again. $3600 later and less a couch, we were back in Sacramento squeezing our king sized bed, two humans, and a dog into my parent’s spare bedroom.

To say this felt like a low point would be an understatement. But don’t worry it gets lower. After months, possibly years of deliberation, my bf and I called it quits on our relationship of 4 years. Initially it was mutual and amicable, but as these things go on hurt is uncovered. I’m not sure if we’ll ever be friends again which is unfortunate but I understand the hurt and the why.

So here I am again, single dog mom at 35 living at home with my parents while I am saving to buy my first home because the idea of paying $3600 ever again to a landlord is absurd.

I can’t leave you like this though. There is a huge upside to all of this. Moving back home changed something in me, maybe the pressure of being here without privacy 247 or the pressure of the pandemic which is affecting us all. I discovered a new side to myself. I have spent the last 6 months undergoing the most intense spiritual awakening of my life and for that, I am so grateful for. More on that later.

Also, I’m happy to report my salary has stabilized a bit and I’ve been saving money like crazy for a down payment on a house.

So there you have it. A quick recap on the fuckery that has been my last 12 months. I have no expectations for 2021 at this point.

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Music Monday – Marian Hill

If you like sultry vocals over some great beats, this woman is for you. I’ve been on a major Banks kick lately and this song was suggested to me based off of that and my love of EDM, jazz and soulful singers. I fell in love instantly, and you will too. Enjoy!

“One Time”

“Lovit”

“Whiskey”

 

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A lot changes in a decade…

Before I actually lived in downtown Sacramento I would visit it and just explore as a teenager. Between classes or when I had a night off and nothing to do, I would roam the streets of downtown and just take it all in. Having been dragged off to suburbia as a child and raised in what felt like the middle of nowhere, being downtown was an exciting cultural adventure for me. I remember one afternoon,  while going around and experimenting with my camera, I stumbled upon an empty parking lot that backed up to a cool abandoned warehouse. I took some photos around the empty lot and its building, which probably hadn’t been painted since the 50s, and then took a couple snaps of the top of that beautiful old warehouse.

The Historic Lawrence Warehouse, 11th & R streets, Circa 2004-2005
The Historic Lawrence Warehouse, 11th & R streets, Circa 2004-2005

Its 10 years later and I now live in that warehouse. I knew this warehouse looked familiar the second I saw the rooftop structure for the old water tanks. Somewhere deep in my very unorganized basket of negatives and their photos, I knew I had a photo of this building, which is now called the Warehouse Artists Lofts. I’m not sure if its kismet, coincidence, or just meant to be, but so many things lined up perfectly for me and this move. I literally found out about the opportunity to live here for cheap the night before the applications were due. The logo for the building is almost identical to something I made up for my own name when I was like 9, I used to sign all my art and stuff with that damn logo which was basically inspired by the FILA logo where all the letters were connected. That was the most embarrass thing I’ve ever typed, by the way. The final thing that makes me think this was totally meant to be, is this photo. There is something so weirdly historically awesome about living in a random warehouse I photographed a decade ago. I didn’t know that 10 years later that building would be dedicated to the artists of this town and become a historical landmark. I didn’t know that I would be a part of one of the biggest accomplishments for the Sacramento local arts scene. I am so in love with the history of this town and now I get to be a part of it. I get to experience it. I get to leave my mark on this city in one of the coolest ways ever.

Now my real work begins, I need to live up to what is expected of me here and I am terrified, because success is scary as hell, but I am also seriously excited to challenge myself and see what I come up with.

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you can be whatever you want

applehilltrees

I was raised in the culture of “you can be whatever you want when you grow up” — which seems to be the bane of every millennial’s existence. Until recently, I don’t think I fully understood that statement. Some take it to extremes and think that even if your IQ is 50, as long as you try hard enough you can be president — if you want it badly enough. Some, like me, thought it was meant to say that everything in life is a choice and you have the freedom to be president since gender and race inequality are supposedly a thing of the past and we live in the “richest country in the world”; read: opportunities to be whatever you want. Here is a twist though — what if it means that you can literally wake up one day and be something you weren’t the day before? What if speaking it into the universe makes it so?

One of the things I have learned along my 5-year journey to truly become a professional artist is that “faking it til you make it” is a real thing, and it’s a lesson I couldn’t seem to keep down until this past month, when it basically bitch-slapped me back into reality. I experienced a few months of success in 2011 — my work was published in a calendar, I was quoted by the Wall Street Journal, had my first art show and sold my first print. The thing that got me to that point and through the workload of getting my work show-ready was the fact that I was calling myself a “Photographer” with a straight face for the first time ever. I had never ever before recognized or labeled myself with the title of “Photographer.” I had always referred to myself as someone who just “does” photography as a hobby, never anything with a real title. When the pace of my success came to a grinding halt, I also stopped referring to myself as such — maybe I wasn’t worthy of the title, maybe it’s because I got distracted and stopped creating. I honestly don’t know why and I didn’t realize I even did that until I really looked back on that time in my life.

I tell you this because after my car accident in September, being unable to work, people would ask me what I do and replying back with “self-employed” never ever cut it. What do I do? I finally got sick of humming and hawing and started telling people straight out — “I’m a photographer.” I felt like I was telling a white lie because sure I might be an amateur photographer, but I have yet to really achieve success and recognition. It didn’t hit me until I was driving up to Apple Hill to meet up with my friends that there just HAD to be a reason for this accident. Things like this don’t just happen to good people for no reason, and yes I am- unapologetically — one of those “everything happens for a reason” people. As I was hitting my favorite part of the drive up, where you can see over the entire Sacramento Valley, it dawned on me — what if this happened to push me into really BEING a photographer? I’ve been saying I’m one, and I love and practice photography. Why am I not a photographer in my own head? What the hell is the difference between saying I am one and being one at this point? What if this accident was a reminder that I need to quit wasting my precious creative juices on work and refocus them onto walking the walk. I quit my job 6 months ago for a reason — to be more creative, and here I was working like a dog to make money and fund someone else’s dream, screw that. It’s time to be a Photographer, “capital P.” What’s really stopping me from calling myself and being one? Success? If I can succeed with just a few months of work and half the effort like in 2011, why not go for broke and really live out my creative dreams?

By the time I got to Apple Hill it sunk in — I am a photographer. I AM a Photographer. That is what I do. I am a Photographer, and I run my own blog and YouTube channel — and that is what I shall do. I’m so done living other people’s dreams. I want to live mine now and there truly is no time like the present and I can’t afford to keep being reminded by the universe. I can’t afford another physically painful message from the powers that be telling me to stop wasting my time on fruitless efforts.

You can be whatever you want, when you grow up.

This is me growing up. I am grown up, and I am a Photographer. It’s finally time, and thank God, because 29 years is way too long for me to just finally “get it.”

Sincerely,
Valerie Figueroa, Photographer

 

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Music Monday – Hippie Sabotage

My longstanding love affair with Pandora has been brought to a whole new level. I first heard this song while driving out to San Francisco and immediately fell in love, so in love that I created an entire station from this one song. If that isn’t saying something then I don’t know what will. I have yet to have to “thumbs down” any song that has been presented on this playlist and it is so perfect that it matches every mood. I get daily and constant complements on this playlist from anyone who is in my car, its basically the perfect playlist. Because I’m feeling so generous I decided to share the playlist in addition to posting my favorite songs from Hippie Sabotage. You’re welcome.

A little fun fact about Hippie Sabotage– they are from Sacramento! I had NO IDEA until a client told me about it while we were listening to my playlist! We instantly bonded over the fact that we both KNEW who Hippie Sabotage is. So yay for local music! Now would be a good time to turn up the bass, hope you have a good subwoofer!

“Sunny”

“Ridin Solo”

“Bust Em Down”

“Call The Doctors”