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A lot changes in a decade…

Before I actually lived in downtown Sacramento I would visit it and just explore as a teenager. Between classes or when I had a night off and nothing to do, I would roam the streets of downtown and just take it all in. Having been dragged off to suburbia as a child and raised in what felt like the middle of nowhere, being downtown was an exciting cultural adventure for me. I remember one afternoon,  while going around and experimenting with my camera, I stumbled upon an empty parking lot that backed up to a cool abandoned warehouse. I took some photos around the empty lot and its building, which probably hadn’t been painted since the 50s, and then took a couple snaps of the top of that beautiful old warehouse.

The Historic Lawrence Warehouse, 11th & R streets, Circa 2004-2005
The Historic Lawrence Warehouse, 11th & R streets, Circa 2004-2005

Its 10 years later and I now live in that warehouse. I knew this warehouse looked familiar the second I saw the rooftop structure for the old water tanks. Somewhere deep in my very unorganized basket of negatives and their photos, I knew I had a photo of this building, which is now called the Warehouse Artists Lofts. I’m not sure if its kismet, coincidence, or just meant to be, but so many things lined up perfectly for me and this move. I literally found out about the opportunity to live here for cheap the night before the applications were due. The logo for the building is almost identical to something I made up for my own name when I was like 9, I used to sign all my art and stuff with that damn logo which was basically inspired by the FILA logo where all the letters were connected. That was the most embarrass thing I’ve ever typed, by the way. The final thing that makes me think this was totally meant to be, is this photo. There is something so weirdly historically awesome about living in a random warehouse I photographed a decade ago. I didn’t know that 10 years later that building would be dedicated to the artists of this town and become a historical landmark. I didn’t know that I would be a part of one of the biggest accomplishments for the Sacramento local arts scene. I am so in love with the history of this town and now I get to be a part of it. I get to experience it. I get to leave my mark on this city in one of the coolest ways ever.

Now my real work begins, I need to live up to what is expected of me here and I am terrified, because success is scary as hell, but I am also seriously excited to challenge myself and see what I come up with.

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I wish they made maps for life.

scenic route

Saying I’ve been in a rut would be putting what I’ve been in, lightly. Whatever it is that I’ve been in, it hasn’t been fun and I’m not quite sure where I’m going now or how I’ll get there- I’m lost. I’m learning very quickly that I’m just not good at some things. School. Balancing life/work/health/education all at once, while retaining my sanity. Definitely not good at coping with extreme stress. I’m not great at being consistent.

The only things I’ve ever been good at are photography, and getting back up after being knocked down. I guess you could say that though I lack focus at times and change my mind often, I am persistent about rebounding from my failures, and oh boy have I failed lately. I’m finding myself basically back at square one in almost every aspect of my life and its really hard to be back here. Its kind of like being a drug addict returning to AA/NA after relapsing, relapsing so hard you can barely lift your head to speak of your struggle.

That is where I am right now. I’m trying to get back up and keep fighting for what I want out of life, although right now I’m not quite sure what that means for me. I guess right now it means focusing on surviving, maybe even thriving at work and picking up the camera again and remembering what I love about life, and being here in the moment. Sorry this post is so vague I just don’t really want to bore anyone with my whiney problems, trust me- my fb & twitter pals hear me bitch enough about my shitty situations lately. I just wanted to post and say although I don’t really feel like getting back up and trudging along, I am going to- because I have to, for my own sanity I have to.


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Friday Postcard: I’m back ya’ll

somewhere around 30,000 ft near Dallas

SO… Texas was great, so great in fact that all of next week I am dedicating to Texas themed posts. Yay! I’d recap right now except I’ve been kind of busy since I got back and I’ll be working all weekend and working out when I’m not working, so I’ll see ya’ll monday.

And for the record, yes they did say “ya’ll.” Plenty of times so much that I savored every “ya’ll” I heard.  <3

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oh the places you’ll go

There are many beautiful spots within a day from here that I really want to shoot at, and I feel like I keep forgetting about them until the mood strikes, so for the sake of remembering I think I need to keep a running list of places I’d like visit in the near future (within the year) for photo-ing, so here we go:

  1. Chico, well actually its right before Chico, there’s a cemetery I passed once that I need to revisit, driving by it I knew I needed to stop and shoot but I was on a time crunch and too hungover on my drive back, freakin’ Chico.
  2. Yosemite/Mono/Bodie, I’m still trying to plan a short 3 day camping trip since I’ve never been to either of these places and I am dyiiiiiiing to shoot there. I just keep running into the issue of finding people who can commit to the camp out.

    I heard it through the grapevine
  3. Miur Woods, I need to get some old growth forest in my life and portfolio.
  4. SoCal, there are too many locations I want to do some long exposures scattered all over southern Cali…I’m thinking a late summer, early autumn trip, just for a night. It needs to happen, I have unfinished business there.
  5. North Coast, I’d like to say I’ll get to it this year but I doubt it, the first 3 I’ve been dying to do for the past year or more.
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30 photos

So yesterday my good friend Liz posted this Storytelling in 30 Photos thing and I thought, hey this could be fun… In lieu of my Friday Postcard, I present to you my dirty 30, ok not dirty so much as that rhymed and I had to type it. Had to. Happy Friday everyone, here we go… (WARNING: image heavy)

1. Someone I spend a lot of time with:

myself. sad to most, but true and just fine with me.

2. A picture of myself: (see above lol)

3. A picture of someone in the family:

my little cousin Chavo (Yayo), at one of his first rap shows

4. A picture of something that makes me happy:

going somewhere new, taking pictures, with friends i love

5. An old picture of myself:

I hate to brag but I was a VERY cute child

6. A picture of a sibling:

my brother and sister, my family likes to say "DNA gone wild"

7. A class photo:

the closest thing I could find, sadie hawkins dance junior year

8. A random photo of you and your significant other:

single & sexy for 5 years in june :)

9. A picture I’ve never posted before:

a portrait on a very windy day in the delta, i never posted it cause i thought it was total shit

10. A relative:

my grandma & auntie Diana, mexico late 70s

Continue reading 30 photos